I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
