I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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