I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
