I got chris browned last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
