We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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