You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She bit a glass in half.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
