At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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