you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
