So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
