sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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