Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
