He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize