Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize