well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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