Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
