I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
