How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
