Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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