Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
