Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
