i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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