Hey man sorry I got all grabby
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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