One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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