Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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