I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
