I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
