splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
