brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
