Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
