Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
