when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
