I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
