WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
