I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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