I'm pants shitting drunk right now
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
