We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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