i don't like sucking hair
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
