I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
