"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
