I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
