sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
