I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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