Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
