just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
