i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize