I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
