dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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