You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
do herpes really smell.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
