you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
