Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
