did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just found a bag of teeth...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
