Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
