God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
