It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
