so explain again why im purple
no
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
