i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
