An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
