omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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