Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
