Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
