I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
