She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize