What did we do last night that was yellow?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had to cum in my sink.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
