My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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