Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had sex on a roof
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
