The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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