discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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