I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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