Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
