He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cut my penus on the lid.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
