The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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