i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
