Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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